I help parents who co-parent with narcissistic partners or ex-partners.

I have been there! As they say, I got the T-shirt.

I learnt that peace is possible. But, you have got to be smart about it.

I offer 1-2-1 coaching and mentoring to get strategic about your co-parenting, combined with holistic approaches to heal your fried up nervous system at a deep subconscious level.

I have experienced every bit of emotion you are experiencing right now. Confusion, self-doubt, anger, disappointment, grief, rumination, helplessness, fear of losing my child, anxiety, PTSD, CPTSD, and severe depression. Amidst all this, I was neck-deep in debt and almost became homeless.

But I never believed that the cause of it all was abuse. I thought I was the problem.

After all, I had no black eyes or bruises. We had a comfortable life. We went on holidays, we threw family parties, household chores were equally shared between us and I had access to my own money. I was an ambitious and educated career woman. I firmly believed that I wouldn’t let anyone mess with me. I grew up with two parents whose volatile relationship exposed me to direct and indirect domestic violence. I was pretty sure that, if it ever happened to me, I would have had the guts and the resources to walk out.

Little did I know that abuse isn’t all about flying plates, smashing doors, shouting, black eyes, and bruises on the body. That’s what I knew it to be.

Abuse can be unseen, undetected, subtle, and can happen over a long period sprinkled with plenty of good days.

I didn’t feel the need to question my environment until I was severely depressed with recurring suicidal thoughts. I found myself hugging my daughter and saying goodbye to her because I was planning to end my life. Until then, I wasn’t willing to admit that I needed help.

My Asian upbringing never talked about mental health or therapy so taking the first step towards therapy was riddled with shame.

Since Talk Therapy wasn’t making me feel any better, I began to enquire into other approaches. Going home to the environment that made me ill felt like brushing my teeth whilst eating an Oreo. Leaving was my only option. After four attempts, I finally plucked up the courage to walk out.

Oh boy! I was not prepared for what came after that. I was left stunned! And, I didn’t think there were any surprises left for me.

As they say, what’s more difficult than being in a narcissistic relationship? It is to leave a narcissistic relationship.

Have you heard of post-separation abuse? Because I hadn’t at the time.

My Co-parenting journey was a shitstorm!

You are in it, so you know it already.

I was so fearful of my child being taken away from me.

I cried, cursed, and sought justice aggressively. At times, I gave up because I felt so helpless. Then, I realised none of that was helpful.

I got strategic about my situation.

I accepted the value of parallel parenting. I continued my healing with holistic approaches. I got deeper into my relationship with my child. And, it all changed from there.

I have peace at last and a beautiful relationship with my child. I live my life with purpose.

You can heal. Your children will grow up to be healthy adults. You will thrive.

That starts with taking tiny steps at a time.

Even if that means deleting an angry text you were going to send to your ex.

Every tiny step is a victory.

# 20 Hard Truths I Have Learnt During My Journey of Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse and Co-Parenting. 

• Abuse is a choice. Period!

• Narcissists do not see you. They see a version of you that they have created in their head. So you cannot reason, communicate, or love them in a way they would understand or feel.

• Your empathy or love will not change who they are.

• Labelling your experience of narcissistic abuse is not about labelling your children’s other parent as an evil person.

• Your children won’t automatically grow up to know what healthy relationships are like. You must teach them how to nurture them by being a role model.

• Safeguarding your children is not about alienating your children from the other parent.

• Where necessary, calling the police and safeguarding your children doesn’t make you a vicious person.

• When it comes to safeguarding your children, evidence and how it’s presented matters more than your emotions.

• Grey rock (minimum contact) is one of the hardest skills to master and it is not about stonewalling the other parent.

• Showing up anxious and desperate will only makes you look bad in front of the other professionals. By doing so, you are putting your power on a plate and handing it over to the narcissist.

• You are a victim of abuse. However, living in a victimhood traps you and your children deeper in a cycle of abuse. People will eventually become tired of your stories even if they want to help.

• Every reaction you have towards the narcissistic co-parent is not a trigger to trauma.

• Every negative experience you have had with them may not be a trauma.

• There are two patterns at play. One is your patterns and the other is patterns of abuse. It’s paramount that you learn how to separate the two.

• You cannot fast-forward healing. It takes time.

• When other people’s voices leave you and you find your own voice, it’s going to start feeling surreal. Give yourself enough time to befriend your own voice.

•  Introduce music, fun, playfulness, and a sense of humour back into your life, and avoid over-therapizing or over-intellectualizing your experience. 

• Projecting your anger on social media is not advocacy. Advocate for yourself and your children first.

• Serving others can help you heal.

• Only a few people will give an actual fuck about your story. So, be the person who gives an actual fuck.