1) Respect:
You must learn to respect yourself. You are not broken. You are not an object that needs fixing. You are whole the way you are. Growth is about integrating all parts of us that we have abandoned to survive relationships that did not treat us with respect. So, commit to treat yourself with dignity.
2) Clear Boundaries:
You are an individual. Your emotional and physical space is something that you decide for yourself. Be clear about these boundaries. Setting boundaries is not enough. Learning to clearly communicate them is equally important. Feeling peaceful about what's acceptable and unacceptable to you is key to navigating healthy relationships.
3) Immediate Stop To Abusive Behaviour:
It's vital that you know what abusive behaviours are. It's even more important that you can confidently put a stop to it. Whether it's walking away from a situation that's abusive, terminating relationships or reporting abuse to the police etc. What action you take is up to you and it will depend on your situation. However, having a zero abuse policy to yourself is the key.
4) Be Assertive:
This is not about being aggressive. You can be gentle, respectful and be assertive at the same time. When you respect yourself, feel regulated and know your boundaries, being assertive becomes your second nature.
5) Knowing Yourself:
When you live with narcissistic people, you don't have a chance to get to know you. Knowing you allows you to choose for yourself. There's peace and acceptance in loving yourself. To do this, it's essential that we integrate the parts that we have disowned.
6) Lead By Example:
If you would like to have people who love you, care about you, empathetic and supportive of you, you must do it yourself first. You must give that love, support and empathy towards yourself. Be the one that you would like to attract in your life. If you want your children to grow up to healthy adults, you must lead by an example. Preaching never works with children.
7) No Second Chances:
Abuse is always a choice of the perpetrator. They must be held accountable for that. There's NO question about it whatsoever.
For our own growth, we must examine the subconscious part we play in these dynamics. Otherwise, we will be stagnated in a cycle of victimhood attracting different cycles of abuse. How many second chances have you given the abuser in your life?
So, develop zero tolerance to abuse. NO second chances. Self-preservation must be your number one priority.
Your decision today helps you take one step closer to practising the above 7 resolutions.
Here's something you can do today.
1) Copy and paste the 7 resolutions into a different document or write them down somewhere.
2) Score each and every area. (0 - I am not at all competent in this area 10- I know exactly what I am doing)
3) Write down what help you need to get to a 10 in each area.
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